THE DAY YOU SEE I'M GETTING OLD

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter: 

"My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. 

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day..... 

the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. 

And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter. "

This 'story' was posted on Facebook by a friend, Kathy Maximo, and my friend, Julie Grakowsky, made me aware of it. I read it and cried as I came to the realization that this story is my story. Even with mom's dementia getting in the way, or maybe because of it, I felt I was living this mother and daughter's life.

I'm sure this was written at the time of Mother's Day for a reason. It works beautifully, but the story works perfectly for me and my precious mother.

Blessings, Jan

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN GOD IS GOING TO PULL THE RUG OUT FROM UNDER YOU

but, when He does, you just go with it using prayer, His strength and deep breaths (you, not God).

and it happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

i'm still reeling but i'm sure it will all settle down soon.

ah, heck, who am i kidding?

it won't settle down until my mother passes or gets to the point that she needs to return to a memory care facility.

But, it's okay. She's my mom.

long story short, my mom has early stage dementia.

i have four amazing brothers and sisters who have each taken a part of her care together up until the time that i arrived about 2 weeks ago. my mom lived in michigan. kalamazoo, specifically. she was diagnosed in this psychiatric hospital for geriatrics (love that my mom was in a psych hospital. special).

she was then moved to a memory care facility which was absolutely beautiful. had her own suite - it was huge - and an amazing staff. 

don't get the wrong idea - all of that beauty and good care comes at a price. 

You'd think if they were going to charge what they do, they'd lose the funeral drapes.

it was decided that she didn't need that much attention and after she had told three of my siblings that she wanted to live on the ranch with jan and the puppies (we have four rescue dogs), i got the phone call.

what am i supposed to say??

i said "yes", of course.

according to her O.T., she functions at the age of a 3 year old and needs constant supervision.

gre-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t.

so, i drove up, spent two weeks, helped pack up everything she owns that she wanted to move to Texas - enough to fill a moving van partway - loaded her, her dog and her walker, etc. into the car and took off for Texas.

we're home. she's settling in.

keeps telling me she's taking a bus to kalamazoo for Christmas.

my mother on a bus?

horrors.

glad she doesn't know what she's saying. she'd freak.

here's a poem that i want you to read, especially if you are taking care of an early onset dementia patient.

it's an amazing read:

AN ALZHEIMER'S POEM

Do not ask me to remember

Don't try to make me understand

Let me rest and know you're with me

Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond your concept

I am sad and sick and lost

All I know is that I need you

To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose your patience with me

Do not scold or curse or cry

I can't help the way I'm acting

Can't be different though I try.

Just remember that I need you

That the best of me is gone

Please don't fail to stand beside me

Love me until my life is done.

Amen.