ONE SMALL DOG + 7 OZ. CHOCOLATE =

Y'all remember when your kiddos would throw up wienies and red Kool-aid? It's happened to all parents. Well, I'm going to change it up a little bit. I'm blogging this mostly to pound out my frustration on the keyboard and to share a fascinating afternoon in my life, with you. . . . .my readers. You want to know the good and the bad, don't you???

Okey dokey!
Well.
This afternoon has been oh. . .so. . .pleasant.
Remember GiGi, the Bichon that we rescued the first of September? The dog that cost us $1,000.00 (emergency surgery) the first week we had her because we were "taken" by the previous owners?

The dog that has gone on to cost us a bundle because of vet visits, a steroid shot, followed a month later by prednisone pills, all because of a skin condition that she came to us with, oh, and let's not forget the when said dog, G., is on the pred pills that she can't control her bladder......I'll spare you the details.

But it's all good. She is getting, and has gotten, the medical attention that she needed and continues to need and we adore her.
Well, "we" adored her until this afternoon. . . . .

Picture, if you will......go with me in your mind's eye to my studio......

It all started with me walking through my studio to the garage to snag a diet cherry Dr. P. from the fridge out there. As I approached the studio I could see that someone, excuse me, some DOG, said dog being G., had completely destroyed a really sturdy sack that was full of gifts that I received at the Paper Whimsy retreat I went to last month. She had gone through each item in the sack to get to the bottom where there were two 3.5 oz. specialty bars of milk chocolate that I had bought as gifts.

Now, I realize that at this point I should be showing you pictures of the mess in the studio, the chewed up chocolate bar cardboard sleeves, a picture of me on the computer looking up, "small dog eats chocolate", me calling the vet's, so many photo ops. But, I couldn't/can't be bothered right now - I'm too busy pounding the keys on my laptop getting my frustrations out!

In an effort to remove myself from the situation I am going to tell the entire story in bullet form and in third person. . . . .

• small 15# dog eats 7 ounces of specialty milk chocolate
• upon discovery and being anal retentive, owner cleans up mess first, after scolding said small dog
• owner researches symptoms of "a small dog eating lots of chocolate" on the Internet
• calls vet immediately after finding out that it can be oh, so dangerous
• vet tech tells owner to get said small dog to drink Hydrogen Peroxide and then bring her to the clinic
• owner asks vet tech, "What??! Put it in a bowl and say, 'Here, G., drink this! It's good!'?"
• owner gets H.P. down said dog with a turkey baster that will make some garbage man's wife a nice stocking stuffer
• vet tech did not advise owner that it could take several minutes for the H.P. to work
• "work" meaning "make said dog throw up the chocolate"
• in a rush to get to the clinic, owner covers the bucket seat on the passenger side of owner's most loved convertible to protect the leather seat if said dog needs to spit up
• owner puts said dog on the towel on the seat in the beloved car and tells her not to spit up
• just before owner is able to start beloved car, owner's cell rings
• the vet is on the phone and starts asking questions about the incident
• at that moment, said dog has turned into the exorcist and is spewing chocolate vomit all over said beloved convertible as the vet yaps on
• not meaning to be rude but fearing that said dog's head may start turning a 360, owner yells at vet that owner will call back as owner throws down the phone
• there is vomit everywhere it could possibly be in a small, enclosed area.
• working quickly and throwing up in the back of owner's throat during the entire ordeal, owner gets beloved car cleaned up and kills said dog
• oh, alright, owner didn't kill said dog, owner called the vet back
• "She threw up that much, huh? Well, I really don't think you need to bring her in. Sounds like she's gotten most of it out. Watch for more vomiting, and, oh, she may have some diarrhea tonight."
• "Thank you. Thank you so much."

MY SISTER, THE DORK

Hasn't it been fun, using different colored fonts for my posts? I'm loving this white background!

Okay, on to the subject at hand...a little behind in getting this posted, but it's so important that you know the REAL Joan that I'm posting late.

My sister, Joan.

Wow. An amazing cook.

We have so much fun when we're together!

We go junking, she cooks while I work in my studio, we ride the back roads with our cameras looking for those perfect pictures.

She's not only a LD teacher of 25+ years, but she's also a professional photographer.Soon hoping to be as good as me. heeheehee

She is all of these amazing things and we are very close...

Then she pulls stuff like this and I can only say..."YOU ARE SUCH A DORK!!!"

We took a road trip to east Texas in June while she was down here visiting - we were just looking for great junk shops, boutiques, photo-ops, just whatever. We planned on spending the night so we were in no hurry. It was just a laid back trip in my convertible *with the top down* and Joan at the wheel because **long story**.

Here I am showing you the chapstick in question.
The innocent, wee bitty tube of relief that became the tool that Joan abused even while driving a car...

We're flying along at a speed that could have killed me if Joan wasn't giving the road, the traffic, unseen traps, her full attention...
With the top down, I applied some, admittedly soft from the heat, chapstick and asked Joan if she wanted some.

She did, so I passed it to her without looking at her - I'm busy watching the road...

Finally, she passes it back to me.
I look down to put the cap back on and it looked like someone had chewed on the chapstick!!!

While looking down at the mess I asked her,

"WHAT DID YOU DO, CHEW ON IT???"...

I look over at her and there she is just waiting for me to look...
The chapstick was so soft that when she went to spread it on her lips, it came off in a clump.

Only Joan, okay, maybe me too, would sit there for what had to seem like forever, holding the wad on her lip, just waiting for me to look over at her!

I could not breathe...I was laughing so hard.

What a hoot!

The way it all played out was just perfect...what a dork!

But, oh, it gets worse...

Of course, I have to take the wad and dispose of it because the trash sack is on my side, but after it's on my finger I make the hard decision that that wet, slimy piece of chapstick is NOT going in my really cute trash sack.

So, I flick it out my side of the car and put my right arm back up on the door to get some more sun *remember the top is down*.

A couple of minutes later I look down and see this!!!........

THE CHAPSTICK THAT I HAD FLICKED OUT OF MY SIDE OF THE CAR
IS ON MY ARM!!

"JO-O-O-O-O-O-O-AN!!!!!"

My sister....BFF, amazing cook, professional photographer, teacher of young minds (that has become a scary thought, hasn't it?). . .DORK.

The End.

I want to thank all of my amazing readers for sticking around to meet my sister, Joan. She really is the best, but, I had to share one of the many dorky experiences we have when we're together! PIMP!!

XOXO, Jan

WANNA KNOW WHAT KEEPS ME YOUNG?

Ahhhh! It's a purple day! I wonder if this color will show up well on my, oh, so beautiful pale pink background? M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m, don't you just love pale pink???

Wanna know what keeps me young besides my convertible?
I wonder how many of you guessed that in your head when you read the title to this post?
My convertible, that is.
I love my convertible, my little red convertible that will literally be the death of me if I get hit in a not so bad way because it IS a convertible.
Still love it.
Still makes me feel young.

But, it's not the only thing, it's not even the most important thing, that keeps me young.
I'm 55 years old and have enough ailments that if I lost my mind and started telling you about all of them, I'd sound like some old woman, you know the one, all she can do is talk about what's "ailin'" her. Just shoot me.
Anyway, I mention this so those of you that aren't "in the know" because you haven't been reading my blog long enough or know me well enough, will know that I have a lot of reasons not to feel so stinkin' young.
I don't talk about all of it very much or with very many people. My cousin, Melinda, used to get so mad at me for keeping these type of things from her so with time I think I've gotten better - but, I'll never feel comfortable telling you "all".

So, okay, I digress...............all the time! LOL
And, while I'm digressing, have you noticed that I've posted several times these last two weeks? It's only because I'm glued to this chair and ottoman - don't get used to it.

Okay.
Here's what keeps me young:

MY ART. Really. My art.

MY ART FRIENDS and ART RETREATS

JUNKING & ANTIQUE MALLS, ESTATE SALES & GARAGE SALES.

MY PHOTOGRAPHY.

I didn't realize it until I was putting this list together, but my YEARLY SHOPPING TRIPS WITH MY SORORITY SISTERS FROM COLLEGE.

MY BABY, BEN.

MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

YOUNG PEOPLE! Which includes MY LITTLE GIRL, SKYLER,

and BRAT!MY F.C.A. KIDS

MY LITTLE GIRL, CHRISTINA, and ANA!

MY BOYS. . .here we are, mom trying to take the annual Christmas picture...

I can honestly say that I have laughed until I couldn't breathe, until I snorted, until I cried, until I PIMP, and/or until milk came out of my nose, at one time or another with each of these groups.

And, there's more.......more groups, more individuals, my sisters, my cousins, BF'sF, more times, daily for instance, that have involved everyone I love, or alone, because it's the way God made me - to see the humor *even if my mother doesn't - heeheehee* in even the oddest of moments.

And, hanging with the fun people, often the young people, is one of my secrets. Young people are a riot. PIMP!!

"OO" to my precious readers and especially to you - hugs are so important!

. . . .Jan

NOT SNOW, NOR SLEET........

Just a quick note to let you know that I made it to my mother's late this afternoon!
Oh, don't let the casual tone of my voice fool you.
I could have been killed!

I was quite fine until I got to Ft. Wayne, Indiana, on my way to my sister, Joan's, last night.
Then I could see snow on the ground, it was really windy so snow was blowing across the highway and I couldn't see the road at times and I was driving in the dark.
A lone woman.

I got to Angola where my sister lives and then I almost hit an unsuspecting car stopped at a light.
Oh, it wasn't that I was traveling too fast for the conditions or texting while drove (I'm too old to even try). I drive a convertible and I told Frank the Tank that my car was too light to drive in the snow.

I was right.

But, God loves me so much he got me to mom's this afternoon.
Oh, once again, my casual tone is deceiving.
I could have been killed.
It was snowing so hard that sometimes everything looked white.

And it's cold up here.
I wanna go home.
I'm holding off my final opinion that you have got to be nuts to live in this weather until I've been here a bit longer.
You see, I grew up here until I left for college in Oklahoma in '71.
But, I'm thinking old people should all live in Texas.
In fact, we've got our guest house for rent.
If you're old, then you should seriously consider moving to Texas.
You can live on the ranch with us.
It was 75 there today.

I've got wonderful pictures of purchases I made in an antique mall in Noblesville, Indiana, on the way up here.
I'll get them posted tomorrow:)

XOXO,
. .
. . .

MISSOURI - AMERICA'S VACATION STATE???

Okay, before you start reading this you must take two things into consideration.
One, I'm really tired.
And, two, I'm really tired.
Oh, wait.
I already said that. LOL
Okay. Two, if you live in Missouri or hold it dear to your heart for whatever reason, read this in the spirit that it's written - I'm just going for a laugh and, actually, I could be writing about many different states that I've driven through in the past...

As my blog followers and friends know, I'm driving to Michigan to get my mom and bring her back to the ranch for a few months like we did last winter.
The difference this year is that I've packed most of my studio, including my Lollishop listings, in my trunk because I'll be dog sitting my sister's dog, Mo, for four weeks (you read that right - long story and you'd be bored) while she's in Florida before mom and I start back for the ranch. I'll have lots of time to work!

Anyway, today I hit Missouri and I declare, I'm on the tollroad and the minute I cross into Missouri from Oklahoma, it was like vacationer's Hell.
Missouri - America's vacation state??...........
you be the judge. LOL

Billboards...........lots of billboards, advertising all there is to do - how does anyone get through this state???

PRECIOUS MOMENTS MUSEUM - The first billboard I saw.
What do I do???
Do I stop?
How do I NOT stop?

SNAKE WORLD ZOO - If I stop, I can die happy.

XXX ADULT VIDEO SUPERSTORE - Do they have motels close by???
I could hit the Precious Moments Museum first, then XXX and walk across the parking lot to my motel.

WALNUT BOWL FACTORY - I can always use another bowl and these are wooden.

COZY COFFEE CORNER AT CALICO COUNTRY - Cozy coffee? We do not have that in Texas. Might be worth a stop...

WORLD'S LARGEST GIFT STORE - Christmas shopping early.
I wonder how big their gag section is?

So, I had some fast thinking to do............
stop???
keep driving???
stop???
keep driving???

And then I saw a Motel 6.

XOXO,
. .

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT TOGETHER A BLANKET, FLARES, EXTRA WATER BOTTLES AND A CHARGED CELL PHONE???

What do you get when you put together a blanket, flares, extra water bottles and a charged cell phone?
Me.

Me and my really light weight convertible driving from south Texas *leaving today* to Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Snow storms, blizzards, really cold weather (lower than FORTY!!), black ice, truckers that really should have stopped hours ago for a nap on the interstate with me.....oh, my, that certainly doesn't sound right!

What I meant was that I'm on the interstate with truckers that should have stopped hours ago for a nap.

Not a nap with me.

Just a nap alone in their truck so that they don't fall asleep at the wheel and my car becomes their extra axle. (I think I know what an axle is so that crack should have worked...)

So, there you have it! I'm on my way to Michigan, laptop in hand so as to keep you up to date on all of the excitement on the way, while I'm there for FOUR *stinkin* weeks (another post), and the drive home.

Bringing mom back with me like I did last year. What a blast!! We do have fun!

So, until later, keep those prayers comin' for travel safety and I'll keep you abreast (still thinkin' about that trucker) of the adventures I happen upon on my way up north!

Loveyoumeanit.

You're the best!!

(oh, and not to worry, I'm takin' the giveaway with me:) It's all packaged up and ready to go out to the "winn'ah"!)

Hey, I'm taking all of my precious (leaving the stupid ones home) Valentines with me that are listed in my Lollishop.

Go order something.

I may need the money to pay the tow truck to pull my little lightweight convertible out from under than sleepy trucker!

.

Blessing to you all,

.

XOXO,

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