OH, GOD, OH, GOD, OH, GOD

Frank and I just lifted mom back into bed. What is it, 12:45 A.M.??
She had slipped off of the bed after going to the bathroom and sitting down on the bed to crawl back in and go back to sleep.
I have a monitor next to my bed on my nightstand so that I can hear if she needs me in the night. I barely heard her say my name. So much so that I had to stop reading and really listen to make sure I did hear her say my name.
She said it again and I knew she needed me.
I got that. "oh, God, no" feeling when I saw her sitting on the floor next to her bed.


She said the bed was slippery and she slipped off.
When I questioned that she said that the floor was slippery. She was barefoot and didn't have her slip on shoes on her feet so it may have seemed slippery.


But then I realized what had happened and as I type this I am looking at the screen through a blur of tears that threaten to slide over the edge of the lower lids of my eyes. The tears that have been sliding all over my face, mixing with the 'tears' coming out of my nose' until I got out of bed and got some tissues and sat down in front of my computer.


What had happened wasn't anything new..... 
My mom's walker was at the foot of her bed.
You see, she doesn't think she needs to use it, even when falling is getting to be a weekly thing around here.
But, really, is it her fault? She doesn't remember. Whose to say that she didn't just forget to use it all the way to the side of the bed so she wouldn't slip on that slippery bed or because of the slippery floor? Whose to say?
Oh, my poor mom. She wasn't hurt in this slide down to yet another dark place.
She simply sat there and whimpered and broke my heart all at the same time.


I got Frank up and we got her in bed and I felt so useless, so inadequate, not only as her caregiver, but as her daughter. I can't help it. 
It breaks my heart to hear my mom moan with defeat. To be back in the place she visits too often where she has no hope of her life getting better. 


As time goes on, week by week and sometimes day by day, I see the decline in her memory as I see the progression of her confusion. I want to scream that it's not fair, but I know that life's not fair. 


If I didn't have the arms of Jesus to crawl into at night after I turned off my Kindle and turned off my light, I think I would have lost my mind by now. My God. He is my savior in so many ways. And, He's the One I call out to in my mind during the day when things are gloomy, when she will only watch HGTV (I keep reminding myself that I cannot jump through the t.v. and smack that woman, that wife, who is whining because she doesn't like the granite counter tops in the kitchen of the house she's being shown. Really? Would she like my laminate ones better?), mom's being mean, hiding her food in her napkin, keeps telling me that I'm too happy, continuously looks through magazines for just the right Christmas gifts for all of us. 


I've stopped crying and I think if I read for a bit more I'll be able to go to sleep.
Oh, wait. Maybe not.
My nose is impacted. 


I know that getting my feelings down on paper has helped me. My blog is my diary and there are just times that you have to write in your diary. I'm just very thankful this wasn't a Page 2 post because it could have easily been one.


If you read this, thanks for taking the time.
I either have a lot of lurkers or only about six people that read me any more.
Now I'm crying again. . . . . .jk


Night and God bless!, J.T.


P.S. Mom has been put on an appetite enhancer and, boy howdy, has it made a difference!
She is eating wonderfully now! Yea!!

A RETREAT, ART, FRIENDS, AND A TEACHER, ALL TREASURES

This past weekend was more than an art retreat for me.

It was three days that deeply touched my soul.

Officially, it was a K.C. Willis Art Retreat

held at Clark Mansion

in Taylor, Texas (east of Austin).

For me it was a weekend of renewal, validation,

new friends, an old friend, amazing art instruction and

laughter - straight from the gut.

CLICK ON ANY PICTURE TO ENLARGE

The piece above is my first of two that I made

during the retreat.

It measures about 16" x 20".

All it is lacking is the vintage rhinestone

under the photo on the cabinet card.

(I couldn't wait to show it to you so use your imagination)

Above you're looking at a close-up of the

baby picture of a little boy.

Of course, the boy in the baby picture

is the boy in the main photo.

A close-up of the quote I wrote for this piece.

The picture you're looking at above is my

second piece. I will be attaching it to a

16" x 20" black canvas before I hang it.

I'll also be adding large tea stained (cream) ball fringe

to the bottom and

a piece of vintage jewelry to the bottom left corner.

Do you see the "open top" hand stitched

"envelope" on the bottom right?

Inside of it, and peeking out, is a small

photo of the girl in the piece.

I'll be giving it a wash to create a ghostly hue.

The lady on the envelope? The little girl as an adult.

One of my new friends is Susan and I'm

almost positive this piece above is hers.

I do know one thing and that is that it isn't quite finished.

Susan is a delightful artist and a lot of fun.

The best part is that she lives in San Antonio!

I'm also pretty sure this piece is by Rita Blanks.

Don't trust my memory!

(not quite finished)

I KNOW who created this piece!

My new, darling friend,Robin Woodward.

She and I have been blogging friends for years

and one day I mentioned this retreat and suggested

that she might be interested.

She was, we met IRL, went shopping, were roommates,

table mates and she is now my dear, sweet friend.

She is absolutely darling and this piece

is my favorite! (Not completely finished)

Susan created the above piece and what makes it so

special is that the little girl on the pony IS SUSAN.

What a wonderful piece!

I absolutely adore not only this darling piece of art,

but, the artist, too!

I've known Rita Blanks for many years

and though I don't see her often enough,

I adore any time that I get to spend with her.

Isn't this piece the bomb??

Here we all are with one of our two pieces.

We had such a wonderful time and

we learned and had so much fun with our

precious teacher, K.C. Willis.

If you are ever in a position that you can take one of her

Internet courses (DVD) or attend one of her retreats,

you will be blessed, entertained and

you will learn so much that you will be so stinkin' happy that

you invested in her teaching. She's amazing!

The Clark Mansion is a delight!

You can find the very

fascinating facts of it by clicking on "Clark Mansion".

It is a private home owned by Sherry Clark and she

holds weddings to art retreats on the property,

so let me just say,

if you're looking for an amazing place

to do "something",

give her a call (512-365-6709)

There's Sherry waving from the amazing front porch.

The greeter stands next to a historical marker

at the entrance to the property.

A lovely front yard with lots of seating.

A perfect place to sit and drink

your morning cup of coffee.

An alcove under the grand staircase.

The mansion has only had two owners

and both have done all they could

to keep it's integrity.

You feel like you're in another era - fabulous!

Look at this inlaid wooden floor -

original to the house.

The wallpaper??

I was tempted to tear off a panel.

Seriously.

The chandelier in the front hall.

Yeah, original to the house.

I will always regret not taking my big suitcase.

The oak front doors and their lead glass windows.

Oh, mama.

The grand staircase is one of the first things

that you see when you enter the house.

That lamp at the base of the stairs?

I stayed away from it.

Can you imagine if you were the one to

fall into it and knock it off.......

The ballroom is where we 'held our retreat'.

Mine's bigger. Just sayin'.

The house even has a keyhole window! Shut up!!

A fainting chaise in the front room.

The amazing woodwork above the door(s).

I know that the buffet and

the dining room table & chairs

are originals to the house.

I fell in love with the glass swan centerpiece

on the dining room table.

The windows in Robin's and my room

were topped by stained glass.

The sun shined through every morning

and it was a sight to behold as

I was getting ready for the day.

One of my favorite things in the house

was the reading light attached to the

headboard of my king size bed.

This is a picture of my sweet friend, Robin,

and our fabulous teacher, K.C.

We all have battles to fight and everyday challenges and I'm no different.
I've had a rough time for about a year, even had a dear friend "destroy me"
(my words) a couple of weeks ago with words and attitude.
My point in sharing that with you is so that I can tell you this:
Always find time, find some way, to enjoy what makes you passionate.
And, find that one person that you can trust and don't keep those moments
that destroy you to yourself. You'll be much healthier mentally if you can just
talk to someone.

(Oh, and btw, he didn't destroy me - after I stopped hyperventilating and
immediately talked to my bff, Annette, about what had just happened,
I did what God would want all of us to do.
I forgave him in my heart and I pray for him every night.)

I am well. I've got my joy back!
God bless you all,
           Jan

A LITTLE ABOUT BRITTANY (BRAT)

MY BRAT, MY BRITTANY, IS A  FIRST YEAR TEACHER

AND COACH.

SHE WAS ON HER WAY TO SCHOOL

LAST WEDNESDAY, THE 9TH, 
AND BECAUSE OF THE ICY ROADS

SHE LOST CONTROL OF HER CAR.

SHE CROSSED OVER INTO THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

BUT, MOST OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT

BECAUSE THIS IS MY 3RD POST ABOUT BRAT

AND ABOUT THE ACCIDENT.

I THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU ABOUT SETTING UP

HER FIRST CLASSROOM LAST AUGUST

BECAUSE THAT WAS A REALLY FUN DAY.

WHILE SHE ORGANIZED

I DECORATED.

WHAT A SURPRISE.

ABOVE ARE PICTURES OF ONE OF THE

BULLETIN BOARDS.

BRAT STAMPED THE MUSLIN TRIM.

(I'D BE IN TOTAL DOO IF I DIDN'T MENTION THAT)

WE TOOK SOME OF THAT STAMPED MUSLIN TRIM

AND TAPED IT ANOTHER WALL

FOR THE ENGLISH THEMED BANNER TO HANG.

IT'S FLASHCARDS I MADE

WITH ENGLISH TERMS.

SHE TEACHES 9TH GRADE ENGLISH IN AUSTIN, TEXAS.

I COVERED THE FRONT BULLETIN BOARD

AND THEN (THIS IS OUR FAVORITE PART)

I USED MY SEWING MACHINE TO GATHER

BLACK CREPE PAPER FOR THE BORDER.

OH, YEAH.

THERE WAS THIS BIG  BLANK BACK WALL

THAT WAS SCREAMING FOR SOMETHING.....

SO I CREATED A BULLETIN BOARD.

WE'RE HOPING THAT THE SCHOOL

THINKS THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN ONE THERE.

THIS IS WILL, BRITTANY'S FIANCE -

HE WAS THERE MOST OF THE DAY.

HELPING.

HE PAINTED THE HONKIN' HUGE WALL

CHERRY RED, THE COLOR OF MY CONVERTIBLE.

IT LOOKED SO COOL.

FOLLOW MY LEAD....I. SIMPLY. ADORE. HIM.

HE IS AMAZING AND I'M GLAD

MY LITTLE GIRL IS MARRYING HIM.

DID I MENTION THAT HE'S A LOT OF FUN??..............

AND, HE PUTS UP WITH ME FAMOUSLY.

MEDICAL UPDATE ON BRAT:

She is healing.

After she gets her pain under control

and starts eating better,

she is going to be moved to a rehab facility.

She'll probably meet some famous athlete there.

She's different than me - she'll know who it is.

Will is still off shore but will be home in about 3 weeks.

And, this part makes me sooooo happy.............

TOMORROW I'M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE HER.

I KNOW!!

I'm going to spend the night in her room and will come back

home on Tuesday. (Remember, my mom is still here:)

I'm just so excited to be able to go now

even for two days!

Then, when I get back from up north (mom has to go back 'til next time:)

I'll be all Brittany's!

That's after April 11th, but the time will go by quickly.

And, there's phone calls, text messages

(you should see me text - I'm lightning quick.),

emails.................

I'm so grateful that she's healing and that she's going to be alright.

I love her so much.

She really is my little girl.

In my heart.

In my soul.

I feel her.

PARTS OF THIS POST MAY BE DISTURBING TO MORE THAN JUST ME

Hello, my sweet friends!

This is Part 2 of the "IT SUCKS TO BE ME" post of a few weeks ago. You'll recall that I fractured four of the metarsals in my right foot and received a spiral fracture of the tibia (the smaller bone that runs the length of your calf located next to the larger fibia) just above the ankle on my right foot.

Look, a diagram for you:)

If any of that interested you, you're ready for vet school or even med school. Give it some thought - you should see how much the surgeon made to put me back together...Oh, wait. Never mind. Obama. Yeah.

Okay, let us move on to the more fun aspects of my stupid injuries...Just below is a picture of the historic Nix Hospital in downtown San Antonio, built in 1930, where I had my surgery and where my surgeon's office is located. You can't tell, but it only has three sides!! It is so cool looking!

This is a close-up of the outside of the building.

I took the picture below while we waited for the valet to park our car.

Oh, this picture is so cool - it's a picture of the elevators in the lobby of the 'we're really expensive because we're a historical' hospital.

You can see the amazing brass relief in the elevator doors. These doors are the original ones. Isn't that something?

'

P.A. Ryan and Doctor Casillas' partner (can't remember his name - he filled in for the picture because Dr. C. was MIA) Check it out - both docs wear a suit and tie every day.

Oh, you'll love this. The guy on the left is James. He always does the casting. So, the first time we met, we were talking, and I was being congenial and asked him what his title was and without missing a beat he said, "housekeeping". ROTF!! We do have fun!

The guy next to him is Dr. C.'s other P.A., Pat - he's the one that keeps telling me I can't walk yet. He is mean and uncooperative.

I thought the stitching on my foot was interesting and though it's not my nature to look at things icky, I took these next two pictures to give you an idea of what went on. See the pins sticking out of my foot? I did throw up a little in the back of my throat when I focused in on those - Woah!!! And you can see some of the staples that run up my leg where they went in to fix the spiral fracture on my tibia. There are pins, screws and plates in my foot and leg.

No more polka for me.

If you are finding this fascinating rather than a wee bit disgusting, I would get an application for vet school.

These are the stitches on the inside of my foot (and my swollen ankle). Yeah.

James from housekeeping getting my foot and leg ready for my RED cast. ...Did you know that they don't make casting in pale pink? I even looked on the internet; just neon pink which is for someone other than me.

I'm James' favorite as is evidenced by the purple band at the top of my cast.

My mom is my #1 nurse and I couldn't have gotten along these last 6 weeks without her. The Tank would have been in charge *shudder* lol. #1 nurse has a nurse's aide, Sister Mary Tina *she's Catholic*, and she is a huge help to #1 nurse. Not.

But she's really cute:)

Instead of crutches I have a red scooter just like the one pictured below. And, trust me, I am cuh-yut steering it around!

Now you know as much as I do (don't you love being in the loop??). I see Dr. C. on Monday. I will most likely be re-casted for two more weeks:( If I am, I sure hope I'll be allowed to put my foot down - not weight bearing, but at least down! OR, Dr. C. could agree with me that it's time for the Darth Vadar boot and some walkin'). Uh, yeah, that's gunna happen. LOL

Thanks for sharing in my recovery process by reading about it and leaving a comment that will make me smile. (The little things really help while I'm sitting here!)

I LOVE my readers!!

Be blessed, Jan