Wednesday, November 17, 2010

POOR BAXTER

I was pulling up this particular post for a friend of mine tonight and before I sent it to her I re-read it for like the hundreth time and found myself still laughing as I finished it.
I've re-posted this once before but it's been a long time ago so, knowing we could all use a laugh right now, I'm re-posting it again.

Enjoy yourself and pee before you start reading...just sayin'.

*disclaimer: this story is a lot like the short stories I used to write in the past......a bit of sick humor........if you have a love of animals that is so strong that it would not allow you to see the humor in a story entitled "Poor Baxter" knowing that Baxter is a family pet, a dog, then don't read this.

If however you can appreciate me laughing until my stomach hurt and I couldn't breathe, read on and enjoy yourself......



*do not look at the pictures yet.....first read this:*

 
POOR BAXTER


We own a dog named Baxter. He was found running around the Office Max parking lot in Kerrville in the middle of the summer about three years ago and a friend picked him up because he had no collar, no tags, and it was over 100 degrees. To make a long story short we ended up adopting the little dog.
 This was Frank the Tank's idea, not mine.

Baxter didn't seem quite right and I couldn't get past the fact the he never closed his mouth and his tongue was about 1/2" too long so you could always see it.


Oh, and he had an underbite.


He looked ridiculous.........he had these Fruit Bat-like ears, too, and he walked like an armadillo (really slow and rocking-like) - he was a goober.


I let Frank keep the little mutt but I got to name him. Thus, his name "Baxter" *from Anchorman*.


This afternoon I was working in my studio and a friend stopped by - Amanda Jones. After we finished visiting and she was fixing to walk out the door to the driveway she looked out the window in the door and said to me *as she giggled*,


"Baxter looks dead!"




NOW YOU MAY LOOK AT THE PHOTOS BELOW



I looked out the window and sure enough, Baxter was dead.

You can see by where the truck is parked that Frank evidently hit him when he pulled in to park going his usual 110 miles per hour.

Oh, my gosh, Baxter was dead.

Oh, wait.


No he wasn't.


That's just the way he looks when he sleeps because his mouth never closes, his tongue always sticks out and his underbite shows.


It's quite confusing to visitors, but Baxter was simply napping.

The visual, however, was enough to send Amanda and myself into a fit of giggles.


I couldn't breathe.


And I was using stomach muscles that only get used when I laugh like that - um, at least once a day!


Oh, my gosh. We were dyin' here.
 Why, we must share this reason for laughter; what with Hillary and Obama duking it out for the presidency we are always looking for reasons to laugh.......what could we do?

Oh, I know what we could do.


We could make Frank think he had run over Baxter and killed him.


(Oh, stop it. It was funny.)

The problem was that Amanda wouldn't run into the living room where Frank was, yelling, "Frank, Frank, you ran over Baxter and he's dead!!"


Well, I couldn't do it, I'm married to the man.

What could we do????


Oh, I know.


We could prank the boys!


Craig's home for the weekend and he and Clay were both home.............


I knew I could handle this because I wouldn't have to look in their faces as I pranked them - I could just yell through Clay's bathroom at them.


And that's what I did.


"Craig, Blake, Craig, Clay. HURRY!! Baxter's dead!! He's been run over!!!"


Craig comes running.


Amanda and I have taken up our "backs to the room" pose at the door hoping that he would think our shoulders were shaking because we were sobbing....


Craig is followed by my mother who is followed by Clay who is followed by Frank.


They all realize that it's a joke after Baxter raises his head and looks at all of us crowded around the window.

"BAXTER! PLAY DEAD!!"


We're all laughing.


Oh, okay, my mother wasn't laughing but I know she thought it was funny because she had a wee bitty grin on her face.


We're all looking out the window at Baxter who is sitting there with his mouth open, his underbite glistening in the sun and his tongue showing about 1/2" too much and we're dying.




In the middle of our laughing Frank says, "Let's shoot him. Make sure he's dead."


We were on the floor.




The End - tell me you laughed.



I love you!! Jan

10 comments:

Robin said...

Poor Baxter is right! I really thought he was dead...but the joke was on me!!! What a hilarious story and I bet it makes you smile every time you think about it.

Hugs,
Robin

CEDAR JUNCTION said...

My neighbor's dog sleeps like that. One day, he was at the end of the driveway and I thought for sure that he had been hit by a car.

Thanks for the story.
- Teresa

Lynn Richards said...

You are KILLING me!!!!! I laughed out loud at that one!! Thanks, I needed that.
The pictures of the ranch? I need to be there as well.
xoxox
lynn

NicNacManiac said...

Oh my gosh girl...you do crack me up...poor Baxter...he is adorable!!

vicki said...

You should write a book - you are the greatest story teller I ever saw! Hilarious! Poor Baxter!!

Vicki

Toodie said...

Even though you had a warning, um well...ennaway I changed clothes (ahem) and my tummy hurts so bad, red faced and hard to breathe...hubby walks in and says "You coming down with something?"
ROTFLOL!!!! I tried to explain about Baxter but had to go change clothes again! Hubby asks "Was it something we had for supper?" Oh golly girl thank you for ah screaming laughing jag I haven't had in ah...ok the memory fades but jist sayin...yer ah hoot! Oh and thank you ;-)

Melissa G. said...

Poor Baxter! Look at what he has to put up with!

Cindy said...

Oh you did make me laugh, Jan! You are a wonder with words. A real comedian. Not only that, the comments others have left here made me laugh too! Poor Baxter is right!

Mellisa said...

That was hysterical and I did giggle (no full belly laughs though because I was steeling myself for something tragic after your warning)!

Beth said...

OK, I am new here and I am quite late on commenting to this post but at first I kept thinking what the H... is so funny, Baxter is "DEAD"! Then, the light bulb went on and I have to admit I laughed, mostly about the fact that your mother did not think it was funny, except even she snickered a smidge! Yes, OK it was funny after I realized Baxter wasn't dead...
Hugs from a new friend from snowy New Hampshire
Beth P

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails