Thursday, December 15, 2011

GOD HELP ME HELP MY MOM

 This is an email I sent out yesterday to my children, cousins, dad & U., aunt and uncle, and very close friends.
   After I read it again this afternoon I realized that it contained some information that I didn't put in my blog post yesterday so I thought I would post it for you to read.
   I'm also going to include some pictures of my mother so you can see how dear she is/was.
Now I'm going to tell you where we are now.
   This may sound somewhat like the first "mom" post, but it will give you some more information. 

Mom has been released from "the clinic" (i have no idea what it's called) where they were able to find the right medication for her to allow her to go to sleep at night.
After a couple of nights of sleep it's amazing the difference in her "attitude".
So, that seems to be working for the time being.
 we do love to shop!! 
this shopping trip was in downtown kalamazoo. so fun.
Mom has been diagnosed with vascular dementia as a result of the fall she took about three years ago. 
She has been released from the clinic that determined her dementia and her medication.
She is now residing in a facility called Claire Bridge in Kazoo. It's independent living (I think I'm the only one that wonders if this is what mom needs. we'll see).
The facility is gorgeous. If you would like to send her a card, not that she'll understand - she may think you're her sister - I know personally how wonderful it is to get "fun" mail. Let me know if you want to send a card & I'll give you her address. You'd be such a blessing to her and to me.
 Mom & Sophie; Sophie LOVED the ranch. 
Every year she spent three months with us and we had so much fun!
This is a picture of mom holding a newborn goat which Sophie is checking out.

She has an "apartment", kinda like an efficiency apartment. Her bedroom is at one end and a sitting/TV area is at the other end. And, of course, there's a BR.

We, her kids, have taken all possible measures to make sure she will be safe in her new setting in addition to what the facility provides.
My sisters and brothers have had some of her furniture moved like her couch, end table, bedding, some of her amazing ccs she has on her walls, etc.

Her first night was last night and even though she is given a 24 hour private nurse for her first 24 hours, Eileen went ahead and spent the night because she
was restless and confused. (the word "confused" never hurt my heart before now)
 Mom is on the right. This is her family when she was in high school (I think).
Today's report is that she is "pissy" (a sibling's word, not mine) which basically means that she's being mean and uncooperative because she didn't 
get a good night's sleep. She's very upset that no one will take her home to her mother's.
This is our eldest, Craig, and his sweet Grammy, my mom.
Needless to say, this has been a roller coaster for all of us. She only started showing symptoms a month ago.
The doctor said that is how vascular dementia postures.
   I haven't been there yet; you know I'm going the first of the year, but I think she's almost full blown from what I've heard. I could be wrong (oh, so doubtful). 
Russ has been able to fly up several times as his flight from Florida is 200.00 round trip.
I've been stuck in Texas because round trip from here is 800.00.
So, we've all had our own type of Hell handling this.
   But, though we all have done what we can, I must give a shout out for my little brother, Russ (he'll love that!). He has really made me proud the way he has stepped up and taken over many of the aspects involved in this process.  
 My mom when she was younger. 
She was a knockout (though the haircut isn't showin' that too much).
If you've never experienced having a parent w/ dementia, I sincerely hope you never do.
It's horrible. It's so horrible.
When I drive up the first of the year I'm going to see someone other than my mom.
This woman is going to be confused, she probably won't know who I am, and there's a good chance I'll witness my gentle mom being evil.
God help me to help her.
 Clayman holding Sophie, making a silly face (that's new)
with his Grammy.
You can't possibly understand the dread I have as I face this trip north.
(I'll be there from the 3rd - 17th *approx.*)

I'll keep the updates coming if there's any change though I don't feel there will be.
I will send you pictures of her new home so you can look for them.
My SIL, Eileen, helping mom separate ccs thread.
Mom's love for so many years has been doing very complicated ccs
projects. I'm going to miss seeing her work on her pieces.
Pray for Junie/SAJ/Grammy/Aunt/mom.
And, please pray for her kids.
The most eloquent prayers for me because I'm her favorite. 

Be sure and let me know if you want her address. Blessings.

Love, Jan

Mom as a little girl.
pls. respect my copyright

12 comments:

just me said...

Sorry you are going through such a tough time. We are dealing with Alzheimers with my fatherinlaw so understand the feeling of helplessness and the sorrow when they forget who you are. Youre lucky to have siblings helping, we have my husband and his brother and a sister who still thinks they are "doing just fine" or I can't be bothered to help. Praying for you and your family and your time to go visit will be here before you know it.

craftymarta said...

Jan... I will pray. Let me leave these prayer with you tonight. May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
Dance, praise and love. Love, Marta.

Terri Gordon said...

Hi Jan, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been going through this with my Mom, she is so different now, she gets angry and does not act like the mom I knew. It is so hard. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. Hugs, Terri

Sweetina said...

Hi Jan, I am so sorry for this turn of events for your Dear Mom. You are all in my prayers,my dear. My Aunt Gweenie had dementia and it was so difficult for her daughter and for all of us to loose her while she was still here on earth.
Please send me her addy as I would love to send her a card.
love Tina
Learningcurve7@gmail.com

debbie musick said...

Jan, I have walked in your shoes and I do know the pain and the sense of loneliness. Your mom looks like she is so much fun! I love the photos you shared. You are in my prayers as you and your family go down this tough road.

I am so happy I got the opportunity to meet you in Ft. Worth! You are a hoot and kept me giggling. I hope we meet again!

Bettyann said...

sorry about your Mother..I worked for many years in Seniors care and know how hard it is for the family..as long as someone has a memory of your Mother it will be okay even when she cannot remember you..big hugs coming your way from this canadian friend !!!!!!

ArtByCanace said...

Hi Jan,
So sorry to hear about your sweet Mom. I have walked in your shoes and I know the heartache. She is still your Mom inside.. she just can't communicate the way she used to. Hug her and love her when you see her.. she will know.

Send me her address please.. you know my email addy
xo

alteredstatesstudio said...

I am so sorry to hear this Jan. the last time i saw my grandpa, he did not know who i was- he thought i was completely someone else. he was never "pissy" but, still very hard to have someone you love be seen that way. my heart and prayers go out to you Jan. i would love to send your mother a card. your stories have been wonderful about the past time you have had with her.... kristin

Dorene Elizabeth said...

Jan,
You are a wonderful daughter! Your Mom is very lucky to have you! She obviously did a wonderful job raising you. My heart goes out to you. It is difficult to live far away from a parent that needs you. I'm in a similar situation. I understand your helplessness. It's important that you take care of yourself and know that you are doing all you can. I wish you and your family peace this holiday season and my prayers are with you!

Robin said...

You know, I read this when you posted it and realized how wonderful your relationship with your mom has been.
I am so sorry sister that you are going through this. You're never given more than you can handle and you often realize how strong you really are.
You can do it.
Baxter and The Tank and the Boys will help you. And so will we--all of your loving and devoted friends!!!
Love you!!!

vicki said...

Sweet Jan- your Mom is so beautiful- in every picture her smile just radiates. I have her address and will send a card soon- thought I might wait until you were there before I sent the first one- something bright and pretty for her.

I hope this New Year will bring blessings to your family- I know it's been a difficult past few months. I'm sending you love and hugs-
Vicki

Jessica said...

Jan, I just came upon your blog through Grateful Living. Your experience touches my heart. I've never experienced what you are going through, however, I do have a wonderful mother and can ONLY imagine what you are going through. If people are still sending cards to your mother, I would love to be a part of that. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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