A WEDDING IN PHOTOS

Wow. I had no idea how long it would take to upload a mere percentage of the photos taken of Blake and Heather's wedding by my sister, Joan, a professional photographer (and home chef). Add to those the ones taken by the semi-neverwillbeprofessional photographer, me, of the reception. I gave up two days to post this blog. But, oh, it's so worth it.

I want you to feel like you were there with me or if you were there with me, I want you to re-live July 25th, 2014. What an amazing day of love, of marriage, of wonderful new family, of friends dear to my heart, of #family. Having my precious family, the people I love the most in the world, all together - absolutely priceless! My amazing U.B.,  my precious PAJ, my most wonderful sister, my heart - my cousin, Melinda, my sweetest little cousin, Marti LJ & precious Vince, my Annette, Uncle John, the boys, Frank, my most wonderful SIL, Eileen & my darling niece, Meghan, my nephew, Tyler, and his sweet family. And everyone else that I've forgotten to list. (I'm sorry) The entire day was such a blessing. My son, Blake, married the love of his life, Heather, my new daughter. She is such a great DIL - I knew she would be before they even got married.

I have Jana, my first DIL whom I adore and Clay, Craig & Morgan, Clay's precious girlfriend. Adding Frank to that equation and I would call myself the most blessed person I know. Ya know what I mean? So, here's the day in photos. Just a small number considering over 1,000 were taken by Joan (999) and myself (not 999).

Our new family, David and Barbara Hosler, Heather's folks. Precious people.

Oh, and the second row, our Craig and Sammy, our "new son".

I want to show you some of the decorations at the reception...

The Couple's Table

 What a big smile! A Michigan groom's cake.

Happy, happy Michigan fan!

Heather and Blake invited guests to highlight their favorite

passage in their Bible. Lovely!

 First Dance

 Father Daughter Dance

Mother Son Dance

That family #I LOVE.

Meghan, Marti, Melinda, me, Frank, PAJ, Eileen

and Joan!

I learned something new during the reception.

My precious son, Clay, breaks it out whenever The Wobble

is played. Evidently our new Sam does, too!

 Seriously?? What a hoot! I had no idea!!

 Line dancing took over.

 A selfie of Blake and two of the women with whom he teaches. 

So many of the staff at his school came to the wedding - they really love

this sweet boy and he loves them. It was a lot of fun visiting with them all!

Heather with Clay's girlfriend, Morgan, a bridesmaid.

A re-inactment of a photo taken at Blake, Hannah (Jones Brown) and Brat's 

8th grade graduation.

I just love this picture. Brittany (Stone Ishmael) was a bridesmaid 

and Blake's best friend since elementary school.

The End to a wonderful experience

and the beginning of a God centered marriage.

I hope you enjoyed the photos

and I want to thank you for reading my blog!
Sweet comments always welcome!!

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN GOD IS GOING TO PULL THE RUG OUT FROM UNDER YOU

but, when He does, you just go with it using prayer, His strength and deep breaths (you, not God).

and it happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

i'm still reeling but i'm sure it will all settle down soon.

ah, heck, who am i kidding?

it won't settle down until my mother passes or gets to the point that she needs to return to a memory care facility.

But, it's okay. She's my mom.

long story short, my mom has early stage dementia.

i have four amazing brothers and sisters who have each taken a part of her care together up until the time that i arrived about 2 weeks ago. my mom lived in michigan. kalamazoo, specifically. she was diagnosed in this psychiatric hospital for geriatrics (love that my mom was in a psych hospital. special).

she was then moved to a memory care facility which was absolutely beautiful. had her own suite - it was huge - and an amazing staff. 

don't get the wrong idea - all of that beauty and good care comes at a price. 

You'd think if they were going to charge what they do, they'd lose the funeral drapes.

it was decided that she didn't need that much attention and after she had told three of my siblings that she wanted to live on the ranch with jan and the puppies (we have four rescue dogs), i got the phone call.

what am i supposed to say??

i said "yes", of course.

according to her O.T., she functions at the age of a 3 year old and needs constant supervision.

gre-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t.

so, i drove up, spent two weeks, helped pack up everything she owns that she wanted to move to Texas - enough to fill a moving van partway - loaded her, her dog and her walker, etc. into the car and took off for Texas.

we're home. she's settling in.

keeps telling me she's taking a bus to kalamazoo for Christmas.

my mother on a bus?

horrors.

glad she doesn't know what she's saying. she'd freak.

here's a poem that i want you to read, especially if you are taking care of an early onset dementia patient.

it's an amazing read:

AN ALZHEIMER'S POEM

Do not ask me to remember

Don't try to make me understand

Let me rest and know you're with me

Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond your concept

I am sad and sick and lost

All I know is that I need you

To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose your patience with me

Do not scold or curse or cry

I can't help the way I'm acting

Can't be different though I try.

Just remember that I need you

That the best of me is gone

Please don't fail to stand beside me

Love me until my life is done.

Amen.

GOD HELP ME HELP MY MOM

 This is an email I sent out yesterday to my children, cousins, dad & U., aunt and uncle, and very close friends.

   After I read it again this afternoon I realized that it contained some information that I didn't put in my blog post yesterday so I thought I would post it for you to read.

   I'm also going to include some pictures of my mother so you can see how dear she is/was.
Now I'm going to tell you where we are now.

   This may sound somewhat like the first "mom" post, but it will give you some more information. 

Mom has been released from "the clinic" (i have no idea what it's called) where they were able to find the right medication for her to allow her to go to sleep at night.

After a couple of nights of sleep it's amazing the difference in her "attitude".

So, that seems to be working for the time being.

 we do love to shop!! 

this shopping trip was in downtown kalamazoo. so fun.

Mom has been diagnosed with vascular dementia as a result of the fall she took about three years ago. 

She has been released from the clinic that determined her dementia and her medication.

She is now residing in a facility called Claire Bridge in Kazoo. It's independent living (I think I'm the only one that wonders if this is what mom needs. we'll see).

The facility is gorgeous. If you would like to send her a card, not that she'll understand - she may think you're her sister - I know personally how wonderful it is to get "fun" mail. Let me know if you want to send a card & I'll give you her address. You'd be such a blessing to her and to me.

 Mom & Sophie; Sophie LOVED the ranch. 

Every year she spent three months with us and we had so much fun!

This is a picture of mom holding a newborn goat which Sophie is checking out.

She has an "apartment", kinda like an efficiency apartment. Her bedroom is at one end and a sitting/TV area is at the other end. And, of course, there's a BR.

We, her kids, have taken all possible measures to make sure she will be safe in her new setting in addition to what the facility provides.

My sisters and brothers have had some of her furniture moved like her couch, end table, bedding, some of her amazing ccs she has on her walls, etc.

Her first night was last night and even though she is given a 24 hour private nurse for her first 24 hours, Eileen went ahead and spent the night because she

was restless and confused. (the word "confused" never hurt my heart before now)

 Mom is on the right. This is her family when she was in high school (I think).

Today's report is that she is "pissy" (a sibling's word, not mine) which basically means that she's being mean and uncooperative because she didn't 

get a good night's sleep. She's very upset that no one will take her home to her mother's.

This is our eldest, Craig, and his sweet Grammy, my mom.

Needless to say, this has been a roller coaster for all of us. She only started showing symptoms a month ago.

The doctor said that is how vascular dementia postures.

   I haven't been there yet; you know I'm going the first of the year, but I think she's almost full blown from what I've heard. I could be wrong (oh, so doubtful). 

Russ has been able to fly up several times as his flight from Florida is 200.00 round trip.

I've been stuck in Texas because round trip from here is 800.00.

So, we've all had our own type of Hell handling this.

   But, though we all have done what we can, I must give a shout out for my little brother, Russ (he'll love that!). He has really made me proud the way he has stepped up and taken over many of the aspects involved in this process.  

 My mom when she was younger. 

She was a knockout (though the haircut isn't showin' that too much).

If you've never experienced having a parent w/ dementia, I sincerely hope you never do.

It's horrible. It's so horrible.

When I drive up the first of the year I'm going to see someone other than my mom.

This woman is going to be confused, she probably won't know who I am, and there's a good chance I'll witness my gentle mom being evil.

God help me to help her.

 Clayman holding Sophie, making a silly face (that's new)

with his Grammy.

You can't possibly understand the dread I have as I face this trip north.

(I'll be there from the 3rd - 17th *approx.*)

I'll keep the updates coming if there's any change though I don't feel there will be.

I will send you pictures of her new home so you can look for them.

My SIL, Eileen, helping mom separate ccs thread.

Mom's love for so many years has been doing very complicated ccs

projects. I'm going to miss seeing her work on her pieces.

Pray for Junie/SAJ/Grammy/Aunt/mom.

And, please pray for her kids.

The most eloquent prayers for me because I'm her favorite. 

Be sure and let me know if you want her address. Blessings.

Love, Jan

Mom as a little girl.

pls. respect my copyright

I WANT MY MOM BACK

This post is going to be plain Jane. No photos, no funny comments, just the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes it hurts badly.

You might remember that my mom fell and landed on her head about three years ago. She was like 81?? Anyway, she had to have brain surgery because blood was pooling or something so they did surgery and she's been fine since.

About a month ago my mom started having trouble sleeping and without sleep she was not good company and she began to become weak which makes all the sense in the world. She soon started having some hallucinations.

It gave me pause as it probably did all of my siblings. But I kept my thoughts to myself and we went on. Finally (finally), one of my sisters that was spending some time with mom decided that a second opinion was needed. (really??)
I don't know how, but they got her in this amazing clinic that was able to stabilize her and get her on the correct meds. Things started looking up. She's been sleeping pretty regularly.

Things started looking up, here, at least.
I'm in Texas.
My brother, Russ and his wife, Leslie, are in Florida.
My two sisters, Joan and Jean, and Randy and my SIL, Eileen, are all up north with my mom who lives in Kalamazoo. It's actually all of them that have done all of the "heavy lifting". I'm here in Texas where it costs 800 dollars to fly round trip to Michigan so I am living in my own little Hell, different than theirs. Russ is able to get to Michigan from Florida very easily and he has really stepped up.
I'm very proud of all of my siblings for stepping up and fighting the fight, all of them working for the good of mom. Even when there might be a disagreement, they step back and do what's best for mom.  It's been really wonderful seeing them work together - all for the good of mom.

And, I sit here in Texas, praying, reading updates, participating in conference calls w/ doctors, reading more updates.........so many emails that some days it feels like that's all I do, discussions about specifics, you get the drill. And do you get that all of this has happened in one month????

Are you feeling my sense of helplessness? It's been incredibly hard but I have done what I can and will continue to do my best for my mom from here and when I make trips up north.
I leave the first of January for two weeks with my mom.

Mom's been moved to an independent living facility in Kalamazoo that is for dementia patients. I've seen photos, it's so, so nice, and so, so expensive. LOL (Why I'm laughing, I don't know). There's a library, small TV rooms, a small kitchen where the patients can bake or cook with their OT, an atrium, craft room. She has her own huge room and her furniture. Looks great in the photos I've seen.

Last night when they took her there for her first night they told me that she was restless and confused.
Oh, sweet Jesus, that word. That word, "confused". It breaks my heart to hear that my mom was confused.
Or that she was ugly, hateful, my mother. MY mother was ugly.

My mother is confused.
My mother is hateful and says ugly things to her children.
My.sweet.mother.

Oh, God, I want my mom back.
This is killing me.
I want my mom.

It seems like I spend a huge amount of time crying.
Do you think I'll cry less after I see her?
Doesn't sound like it at this point.

I don't want to go.
To Michigan.
I don't want to see her.
I'm so afraid she's not going to know who I am.
I haven't talked to her for a little over a month.
She doesn't ask for me.
She never asks for me.
I know she doesn't remember me.

She will never live in her home again.
And she will never come to the ranch again.
She loved the ranch so much.
And we loved having her here.
She got to see her Texas grand kids
and bake Clayman his favorite cake like 5 times in three months.
It seems like every thought I have connects to her and
every thing I see reminds me of her and I am so sad.

I know that I should be grateful that I had her for my mom and
that God blessed me in so many ways with her as my mom.
(Yes, I know she's still my mom. I get that.)
And I AM grateful.
But, right now I'm very sad and a little scared.

Pray for me?
I'd really appreciate it.
And pray for my brothers and sisters, my family.
And pray for my mom.

TURKEY & DRESSING VS. BOLOGNA & LAY'S

First, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
Secondly, let me introduce myself.
That was a joke because my posting has been anything but regular.
You do know who I am, right?
Okay, okay, now that you've assured me that you remember my quick wit and beauty (assumed), let's talk turkey.
Seriously, why do we break our backs (lower) putting together a meal large enough to feed a small village, when really, a bologna sandwich and some Lay's (yum) would work just was well.
We change the menu to sandwich and chips and take the money that we save from putting together the feast for millions which our family manages to consume over about three days, and we give it to families with children who worry about where their next meal is going to come from. 
Those same families whose kiddos go to bed crying because they're so hungry.
Yes, here in America.
And, another thing.
The waste.
Have you ever given thought about how much food we waste in America?
I have.
It's shameful and that's what we should be - ashamed.
We shell out a few extra dollars this time of year in an effort to make Christmas special by buying food and putting presents under the trees of the less fortunate. And then we go on with the rest of our life until next November. (I know that there are a lot of us that support charities, tithe, etc., but let's put those aside and give me a chance to make a point followed by what I think is a great idea).
Yeah, it's one of my soapboxes.
And soapboxes tick me off.
............We sat down to a lovely lunch yesterday to celebrate Thanksgiving. 
It's a misnomer to me the we celebrate Thanksgiving by stuffing ourselves with food that would bless so many unfortunate people that have nothing to eat but a bologna sandwich and generic potato chips. When I think of who the unfortunate are I think of single mothers and their children.
Yes, there's lots wrong with the "system", but that's not what I'm talking about here - I'm talking about meeting the needs of others like Jesus would want us to do.
Yesterday I decided to teach you how to make the best cornbread dressing ever made.
I'm doing this for a reason.
My idea is that you make a double recipe of your favorite dressing, bake it and quarter it, divide it into 4 Ziploc bags. Buy four chickens, one for each 1/2  9" x 13" pan of dressing and find some homes in your community and make a blessing delivery to them. If you need help, ask your church for some names, ask any church. And, you can do more, as much as you want, to make these blessings the kind that bless the socks off people.
Oh, and do it this winter, January, February, March, when a good meal is most appreciated.
AND, it's not during the holidays when everyone is doing everything from feeding the poor a meal to singing at the nursing homes (another soapbox - how we neglect our elderly).
....Just a seed that God has encouraged me to plant.


Okay, now for my recipe for the best cornbread dressing in the world to get you in the spirit!

VERMILLION CORNBREAD DRESSING

Yield: 2  9" x 13" pans of ah-mazing dressing

Ingredients: Cornmeal

2 giant cans of chicken broth

2 large onions

2 bunches of celery

8 'brown and serve' sausage links (it's a breakfast sausage)

2 - Pepperidge Farm Herb Seasoned Stuffing (crumbs)

a good amount of salt and pepper

Here's what 'cha do:

brown the sausage in a small skillet

and then crumble it (food processor works great)

chop the onions into two piles

clean and chop the celery into two piles

(chop small, but if you are teaching your 24 year old son,

Blake, how to make dressing and how to use

a food processor, be careful and watch

his every move or you will end up with 

onion and celery puree.)

Barely cover the onion and celery (2 pans, remember?)

with water and simmer until translucent.

make 2 double recipes of cornbread OMIT THE SUGAR

(and, what I'm saying is that you double the recipe,

make one 9 x 13 and then double the recipe again and

make another 9 x 13)

(next, use your food processor if you have one)

I make one recipe at a time because, well,

vein' that my memory doesn't allow me to do 2 recipes at once.

So, that's how I'm going to tell you to put it all together.....

In a very large bowl

mix the sausage, onions and celery.

(I had to show you the puree. Pretty darn cute, isn't it?)

Add the bag of herb seasoning, S & P.

Mix.

Crumble the cornbread into the bowl.

Mix.

While you're doing this, be adding the 

chicken broth at times.

When it's all mixed,  

press into a PAM'ed pan

(Don't let this photo scare you. Keep reading.)

and bake at 375 degrees for 1 hour.

Oh, baby.

Okay, I'm sure you're sitting there thinking that 

I need some photography lessons so I can learn to

hold my camera steady while taking a picture.

Well, you're wrong.

I simply need to take off my readers 

before I look through the view finder and

focus my camera.

Now for some family pictures.....

This is Clay taking out the biscuits out of the lower oven

that he had left there the last time he was here.

We smelled them getting toasty as we pre-heated the oven...

(above is a re-enactment of getting the biscuits

out of the oven.....Oven too hot to put hand

all the way in and no potholder. Guh-reat re-enactment!)

Yes, those are the biscuits.

This is Blake cleaning up some dishes.

When he saw I was taking pictures, 

I kiddingly asked him to flex while washing.

Not a problem!! ( check out those guns!)

We had a great day as we enjoyed being together.

The meal gave Blake and myself some special time

together as he really did help me with a lot of the cooking.

Clay was in charge of clean-up and

he did a great job of being the boss.

The only thing missing was Craig and Jana.

This Thanksgiving was her family's turn.

We've got to figure something else out.

I'm not lovin' this taking turns. 

Thank you for stickin' with me if you're reading this.

That means that you have kept looking for me between posts

and that you were having a slow day - this thing is lo-o-o-o-o-ong!!!

Blessings to you all,

Jan

P.S. I hope no one has read this post and thought I was lecturing. And, I want you to know that my chicken and dressing idea? It just came to me yesterday and it's on my calendar this winter to do exactly what I suggested that you do. Let's do it together!! (And, it doesn't have to be chicken and dressing - fix your favorite foods! Just do it!!:)