Friday, September 5, 2008


You know I turned 55 this week. But, that doesn't compare to Frank the Tank's gardening attempts. You may wonder how the two are even related. Well, let me tell you, girlfriends, they're related because my birthday doesn't begin to compare to the Tank's gardening adventure and since I really didn't want to focus on my birthday, I kept remembering our, excuse me, Frank's, gardening exploits. I thought y'all would enjoy the best, in honor of my 55th and in honor of the most precious and wonderful husband on God's green earth, I give you, "Squash is Not Just a Vegetable Anymore"

I actually tried to forget my birthday this year even though I was way past grateful for being here to even have a birthday - but God knew all of that and I had a lot of work to do to get orders filled, make new art, TRY to catch up on some blog reading (that still hasn't happened), attempt to find some balance in my life, and I just didn't want to make a big deal out of my birthday.
"Hi, my name is Jan and I have guilt issues, you know, non-deserving issues, when people show me that they love me." The day didn't go quite as I had wanted - I got cards, gifts, way too many phone calls (those of you that know me, know that talking on the phone is not one of my favorite things, like ice cream), dinner made for me, a birthday cake and help in my studio by my best friend who totally doesn't get what I do. It was a nice day, a day full of tears (lots of sobbing - I am a big baby, I know that), but when I thought about my "big" day and how to blog about it, what I really wanted to talk about was Frank the Tank and his garden.
Frank, my husband for the uninformed, planted his first garden this year. Hard to believe, I know, seeing how we're ranchers.....maybe that's because planting the garden is woman's work? Forget it.
He took over the exercise yard next to the chicken house (we have no chickens a the moment - now THAT'S a funny story) Anyway, he tilled *with a shovel*, he got rid of the weeds, pulled up all of the old marijuana plants (just checkin'), did all the stuff you do when you plant a garden, and gently, ever so lovingly (I'm guessing) planted his wee baby plants. Then he started his daily ritual of watering and weeding and fertilizing (do you fertilize?).
Fast forward to crops producing................................. I'm in the master and he walks in with something behind his back, pulls it out like it's tickets to Ireland and shows me his first squash.
The man is puh-roud, let me tell ya.
Well, this goes on for days; seems like there's a new squash ready for pickin' every morning and well, he's so proud, that he must show it to me.........every morning of every day for weeks. Now, this is great. He's proud, I'm proud of him, but hey, he planted more than squash and all I'm seein' is squash.............and I can only come up with so many different and enthusiastic responses to his morning kill.......... "oh, honey, I think that's the best one yet".............."oh, Frank, beautiful!"............."wow."........

Then comes the day that makes it all worthwhile. The day that makes it okay that we've been eating squash every day, all summer, every day................. he comes in with a handful of (if you guess correctly here, I will send you 5# of squash and pay the postage)........... squash and says to me, holding it out in front of him like it's the Holy Grail and just as serious as can be, this big ol' rancher asks (kind of condensendingly) (that a word?)...............

"Did you know that squash is a fruit?"

(oh, please) "Re-e-e-ah-lly?"

"Yes. It is."

***that question from Frank the Tank............ you've got to know that he is a rancher. He's not a dietician nor has he ever shown a leaning towards knowing the gene make-up of food*** oh, and he's got a laptop now - for about six months. hasn't learned how to empty his deleted folder in email but has recently discovered...........GOOGLE.....

"Hmmm. Tell me, did you know that??? I always thought squash was a vegetable."

***here comes his response...........and when you say the second word in his response, use your Texas accent but put your lips together (as you say the second word) like you are whistling and give that word a little bit of a German accent - this will all make sense in a minute. Oh, and say it outloud (you can practice until you get it right)***

Frank's response:

"I Googled it."

"You Googled it?", I ask mimicking him.

"Yes, I Googled it. Google has a lot of information about squash."

Oh...........My.............Gosh!!!............. ROTF!!! I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD I COULDN'T BREATHE. But, it's okay because he started laughing, too, and we were both laid out! ................."I Googled it."

Oh, my gosh. "I Googled it."...................

The End and I love you all *especially if you tried to say, "I Googled it.".................outloud.




Tina said...

hub has finally let his squash plants go...thank you God..for we were starting to have yellow skin from all the squash we've been eating!!

Blaiz said...

I did try to say "I Googled it" out loud several times, but I couldn't get the Texas/German thing right! Great story!

cindy said...

LOL...oh my gosh...bring me some squash when you come up! LOL. And Happy happy Bday!



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