Wednesday, March 23, 2011

SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN A COMPASS!!

This is day two on my drive back home from Michigan.
I'm not ready to post about the trip yet, but I do have a funny story to tell and it's too long for Facebook, so y'all win:)

The day started out nicely - I grabbed my double espresso from the gas station while I filled the car, turned on my phone's GPS and headed out of town.
I had stayed in Hopkinsville, Tennessee, last night, and as I started out of town I was a little curious as to the route I was being sent on by Jana, my current GPS "girl".

You see, since my GPS voice is a woman's, I named my GPS after a woman in my family.....Oh, Jana isn't the first.....she's the third.
The first was Carly (after my niece) but it seems that "Carly" had a drinking problem and was continuously showing up to work drunk and unable to give me the correct directions.
So, as hard as it was, I fired her behind (felt kinda good). 
I hired "Mother" (after my mom) next and was to be disappointed yet again.
Seems she has a problem with the bubbly and I couldn't count on her either.

The hardest part was that in my new "safe" Tonka (Tonka yellow Nissan) I don't have a stinkin' compass. So, even if my GPS shows up to work sober, I STILL don't have my compass.
Would someone PLEASE buy me a compass for my new "safe" car??

.....Back to task - my newest GPS girl is Jana (after my DIL). She's been doing quite a good job and I've been very pleased. I really thought I had found a young adult with the sense of responsibility needed to be an effective GPS girl.
Well, it seems she has simply been able to hide a serious drug problem.....until today.
It took me TWO HOURS......................TWO. HOURS. .......................to get out of the Hopkinsville wilderness this morning.
Oh, I fired her before the first hour was over, I was so disappointed.
So, there I was with no GPS girl and no compass.
Are you seein' my problem??

I finally made my way out of the maze and headed south.
I'll continue the trip without a GPS girl as I mull over whom to hire next - I'm definitely going outside of the family.
The compass?? Well, seems I always think of one when I NEED one and that's in the middle of no where, so someone is going to have to buy this woman a compass!

The day picked up this afternoon when my little girl, Skyler, called to give me an update on her dog, Sooner.
Sooner had a 104 degree temperature and wouldn't walk on one of her legs yesterday so they (she and her husband, Brian) took her to the emergency clinic last night and got antibiotics and some pills or something for her.
Today Sooner is doing better.

Skyler said that when she came home at lunch that Sooner was standing up in her CRATE and barked a couple of times.
I said, "She's still in a crate??"

Skyler knows how I feel about crate training dogs - it's not my favorite thing (anyone that strongly disagrees with my stand should send all letters, emails and comments to Oprah).
I understand that sometimes it's necessary and Skyler and I tease back and forth about it.

Skyler said, "She's comfortable in the crate. She came to us crate trained and it keeps her out of trouble. She's got lots of room."

I said, "If you had a bird would you keep it in a cage??"

*L-O-O-O-O-O-O-NG MOMENT OF SILENCE*
..............and then we both bust out laughin'.

It was sooooo funny!
I don't know if you had to be there - you might think so if you have never heard me talk, but if you have then you can hear me sayin' all of that and maybe it would be funnier.
Oh, alright, I THINK it might be funnier to you because I thought it was cuh-razy funny when it happened.

So, that was my day.
That a glass of complimentary wine at the hotel when I got here.

Love you more!
   Jan

6 comments:

CEDAR JUNCTION said...

You're such a funny bunny!

SMiles,
Teresa

Bettyann said...

oh my goodness....I cannot believe you are let out on your own..lololo...I'm a good navigator and can read a map..I'll go with you the next time !!

decorator to the stars said...

SORRY I MISSED YOU, I WAS IN COLUMBUS SHOPPING ALL DAY :) MISS YOU :)

Nancy said...

Jan Dear ~
I must say this. I'm thinkin' that perhaps your GPS girls are not the problem. Look in your rear-view mirror..... go ahead, I'll wait..... see that cute little Texas gal lookin' back atcha? Perhaps she has been into the bubbly and wine a wee bit. Ya that's it! I got a call from Carlie, Mother, and Jana and they want to do an intervention. Shall we invite all your cop friends to be part of it? CMU (crackin' myself up)

Pretty Things said...

LOL! You're hilarious.

Charlene said...

GIRL YOU MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!! And I need that!!! You & the GPS... I CAN SEE THIS HAPPENING! It has happened to me! How can they be soooo good & the bammmmmmmmmmmm out of no where they don't know
S _ _ T? I need to read your blog to catch up with WHY you were in Tennesee. Miss you girlfriend!
HUGS!
Charlene

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