Wednesday, April 3, 2013


Mom as a child. She's holding onto the
necklace around her neck.

As I begin to pen this chapter of my mom's life, 
I haven't even looked back to see where I had left off
in the telling of her story.

I've put off writing this last part of her story for months.
For a bit I didn't feel comfortable talking about it.
It was too fresh, too new, and too hard for me to wrap
myself around to write this last chapter.

Then I spent literally months trying to come up
with the right title for this post. 
It had to be the perfect title.
As you can see, I lost that battle.

Blogging moves on
(I heard that somewhere)
and I have some other stories I want to tell
but can't until I end this one.
(The Grow Your Blog doesn't count. 
Vicki's ** my friend),
and, oh, a couple of others.

Those of you that have been blessed to have
a great relationship with your mom know
what I'm feeling.
After I grew up my mom turned from "mom"
to "friend". 
We had a great relationship.
She was a beautiful woman and her kids were her life.

She passed on October 12, 2012
at the River Point Assisted Living Center
Kerrville, Texas,
after living with The Tank and me at the ranch
for 6 months.

She was my job for ten months.
Some really good, really funny,
and some very sad, 
heart crushing moments.
I would cry out to God at points in her care
because I couldn't stand the pain
of watching her become someone I didn't know.

Oh, God, it was so difficult.

But, it was a huge blessing, too.
I was with her the last months of her life
and that was a blessing.
I was at the care center for two months,
at least eight hours a day, doing what I could to
help my mom.

And then Hospice became involved.
"Why are you here?? 
She's going to be herself again after she gets some rest."
And, I firmly believed it.
Oh, they had seen it before, I knew that,
but this was different. This was my mom

It's amazing how our brain works
in that kind of situation.
You have to live it to understand.
And, the Hospice workers see
that kind of hope, that kind of desperation,
so many times.
In so many ways.

My mom passed and joined
Jesus on October 12, 2012.

She wouldn't come back even if I begged.
That gives me great comfort.
Mom and Frank, my Tank
South Haven, Michigan,
a celebration of mom's 80th birthday


Thank you so much
for reading all of the
writings about my sweet mother.

I appreciate you so much,

leave a comment??


Vicki Boster said...

Beautifully written dear Jan-- a story told from the very depths of your soul. Your Mom was so very special-- and like her-- you are as well. That you could pen this story and bring your Mother's legacy to life is a testament to your love for her. I love what you said-- that she would not come back if she could. Rest easy now my friend--

Robin said...

Her memories will always be with you sweet Jan, beautifully written.


audrey said...

I am sure this beautiful post was difficult to write.
Not only do we, your readers, appreciate the beauty of your relationship with your Mom and the time you cared for her in her time of need, but your Mom who is now in peace and rest, knows how very much you love her. All that really matters is your love for each other and that is never ending.
audrey xo

Anne Lorys - Fiona and Twig said...

Your mom was precious. I am honored to have known her.

Loudlife said...

<3 <3 <3
I'm so sorry, sweet Jan. I've been in your shoes. It's a hard loss to take even when you know it's coming. Our mothers are our anchors in life and we don't realize it until we're cut adrift. The pain will lessen and become tinged with the sweetness of memories, but never really goes away. I lost my mom 28 years ago and I still cried today when I thought about how she would have loved to go talk to the International Space Station with Rexy's school on Thursday. She loved the stars. I cried, but I was happy to think of her, too. You have so many beautiful memories of your mom to cherish, the love you shared will always be with you.


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