Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts

Saturday, August 30, 2014

I'M SICK. POOR ME. *BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT!*

I feel horrible. I got home from Germany on Thursday w/ acute bronchitis.
Yep, home, doctor, bed. 
I told my sister just a few minutes ago that I had to write this blog post right now 
even while I'm feeling icky because it's so important.
No pictures to attach - I don't feel well enough to search my photos 
for ones that would work. So, this time you just get my words.

Here's my question.
What the heck is going on people??
When did we stop showing our love, our gratitude, our blessings, 
when did we stop care giving, when did we stop saying thank you, 
making our family more important than our job, our gym, our phone, our hobbies??
And, of course, my rant comes from a couple of things that have happened recently. 
...And running with it on the phone with Joan!

There are many qualities of etiquette that have changed over the last 45 years when I was a teen and taking etiquette classes. Things that have changed from 25 years ago when I was raising my boys and passing on what I believed in from my upbringing. 
But, there are some things that should never change. #Never

We have become so busy, I think, that we've lost sight of what's important.
When we get God first, family second and job third out of order, we quickly begin the snowball that becomes the size of Frosty; rolling rolling rolling. 
So busy, busy, busy. No time to think about anything but work. 
Too tired to think about anything but work.

There's many examples and they don't all include work, but a lot do.
I'm 61 this year and didn't realize my age to the extent I do now, not until I saw 
a particular wedding picture that had my two daughter-in-laws being hugged from the side by me, their mother-in-law. Oh, how I hate that term. The photo showed me looking like I look to everyone but me. In reality, I'm 61 years old. #61 And, I have the etiquette standards of someone "old".
So be it. I'm old. I look old in the wedding picture. So embarrassing when you have no idea you look old. But, I have etiquette values that I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to hold as a standard in the way I live my life. And, those values are a good thing.

Putting God first has never been an issue. My problem has been not letting my physical adventures get in the way of keeping my family first. Not really an issue for me unless it involves getting a birthday present or Christmas presents in the mail on time!

When you are the one that is aware and believes in certain points of etiquette and those around you don't practice the same, it can be very hard not to be in a state of disappointment. That's where prayer saves my life. Well, most times. Sometimes one just can't help but be in a state of disappointment for a few moments.

So, what are those points of etiquette that I think are so vitally important and that have, for the most part, been pushed to the wayside?

1. If you receive a card or handwritten letter in the mail, you need to acknowledge that. A simple text message thanking the sender is adequate according to the Etiquette Book of Jan (though I seriously abhor text messaging as a way of communication). It works here and let's the sender know that it not only arrived, but that you appreciate the time it took the sender to "think of you".

2. If you receive a package in the mail - a birthday present, Christmas presents, a "just because" present, any "gift" - you simply must acknowledge receipt of it along with a heartfelt thank you. It's so hard in this day and age to find time for extras (isn't that basically what this post is about??) that getting a present put in the mail is a bit of a chore. All of the time involved, the $$...it's a sincere act of love. And, it deserves a thank you. It deserves more than a text message. Try a phone call, an email, a written note. Do something (but, please don't send a text).

3. After God, make sure you're putting your family first. That begins with you and your partner, your children and your extended family. And, may I say something here that will no doubt make some of you roll your eyes??

When you, my child, "fly the coop" and start becoming your own person and then roll into being your own person? Don't forget your parents. Don't forget your mom. God made you whom you are through the efforts of your parents. And, speaking as a mom, I am still your mom. And, though no longer #1 in your life, I'm your biggest supporter, your biggest fan and, even if you've forgotten, your first love. So, just because you're now an adult, don't make the mistake of cutting your mom/your parents out of your life. Seriously? Not going to be around forever and speaking from experience, don't waste the time you have now to get to know me/us as people, not just as your parents. We're more awesome than you even realize. But to know that, you have to get to know us. (Do you know your mom's favorite dessert? Her favorite movie? Her favorite scripture? Her favorite outside pastime? Stories of great adventure and fun from her past? Her college days? Etc., etc., etc......)

So, there, I've said all I came to say. Maybe I said too much. But, I stand by what I said. 
I hope I said it clearly enough that it makes sense.
I would love your feedback. Disagreement said in a kind way is welcome.
The End.

Be blessed. Be a blessing. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I TOLD FRANK I HAD FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT

The Tank and I were laying in bed the other night talking
about this and that.
One of the things I shared with him was that I had
 finally figured out Oprah's question that hadn't been
  weighing on my mind though I know
 she'd be so proud to know that I had finally figured it out.
I'm a stress eater.
But, I get ahead of myself...

Y'all know that mom moved to the ranch in the middle
of January this year for me to take care of her.
She moved here from a memory center
in Portage, Michigan, where she was residing because
she had onset vascular dementia.
So, we make it to the ranch a couple of weeks before
this............
drove up.
Oh, heavens, that was one big moving van. 
Before I became concerned as to how much room mom's
things were taking up inside the van, I derived a great
sense of satisfaction knowing that whomever was
driving by the ranch as this monster drove up the lane,
would be wondering why we were moving, where we
were moving, had we run out of money? goats?
Center Point is like so many other small towns in that respect.
The sight of this van driving up the lane would give
the old men that drink coffee at the local mini mart
great fodder. Still makes me smile when I think about it.
Here are some shots of mom's things.
Not all of them be any stretch, but, enough that you can
get an idea of what those men pulled out of that moving van.
Oh, the boxes.
The entire mess was supposed to fit into mom's
room - a really decent sized bedroom with a 
sitting area and attached bath. Lots of storage.
But, please! A whole house into a suite?
And, of course, she wanted to start going through
the boxes one...at...a...time, handling, touching,
caressing every...single...item...in...each...box.
This picture is of mom shortly after she arrived.
I remember when I looked at this photo that it struck
me as so odd -- my mom was "old", you know, 
a senior. I had never seen it in her before and 
maybe that's because she was never "sick" before, 
I don't know. But, though she looks different to me here, 
she's still beautiful and 85 this summer.
Mom has to use a walker to get around.
She is a bit frail and her sense of balance is
somewhat off. This is the safest way for her
to get around -- even when re-introducing herself
to the goats. 
So, mom has dementia, she's moved everything
she's ever owned to the ranch and
on top of that, after she had been here for a few 
weeks, she fell and sustained three hairline fractures
in these two bones that attach to the bottom of your
hips. Yeah.
Pain, such pain sitting, standing, sitting.
Nothing that can be done (in the way of surgery) 
and thank goodness she is almost healed and the
pain is lessening weekly because she has really been hurting.
However, even in the middle of hurting she manages to
dig out her sense of humor...the picture above is mom in
a sweat suit, hood up, topped by her heavy robe 
(and an asked for pathetic look) because she 
was/is/is always cold. Someone needs to tell her she's 
in south Texas now, not Michigan.
This picture was taken this Easter, just a couple of weeks ago.
We had just been to church to witness Blake, Clay and
their daddy's baptism (it was so cool).
Blake and Clay wanted a picture taken with Grammy once
we got home. Oh, and Sophie, too.

These are the moments I like to remember.
The ones I must remember to get through the
other moments that fill my days.

I remember growing up, into my adult years, always
fearful that one of my parents would get cancer and die.
The word "cancer" had always scared me and I could
picture having to live through one of my parents getting
sick with "the C word".
Never, however, did I or have I thought that one of my parents 
would develop dementia.
It's a condition that does no apparent 'physical' harm to the person
suffering from it because they don't know that there's
anything wrong. It's the children and all of those who love
my mom that have been the greatest affected.
She has moments with me where she will question "why"
in reference to her confusion and memory loss,
but, except for those moments, 
it's those of us that love her that are feeling
the most pain. And, I'm sure there are many of you
that can relate to that.

And to those of you that are the care givers or have been
the care giver, I know what you're feeling.
I know your frustration, your feelings of inadequacy,
your fear, your exhaustion, the pounds you've added
or the pounds you've lost, those moments of delight that
you share with your parent. I know all of it
and I pray for you as I hope you are praying for me
and all of the caregivers.


AN ALZHEIMER'S POEM
Do not ask me to remember
Don't try to make me understand
Let me rest and know you're with me
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond your concept
I am sad and sick and lost
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose your patience with me
Do not scold or curse or cry
I can't help the way I'm acting
Can't be different though I try.

Just remember that I need you
That the best of me is gone
Please don't fail to stand beside me
Love me until my life is done.

Amen.




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