WAITING FOR GOD - PRICELESS

Now, why would I title this post, "Waiting for God - Priceless"?

Because that's what I've been doing for months and months.

In fact, for so long, I stopped thinking about my question and

stopped praying for it. 

Seriously??

Oh, yeah. I'm old and it's not that hard.

Quickly, I should have died twice in the last 7 years

from two of my medical adventures.

Well, it should be obvious that I didn't 

as I'm the author of this post.

I started wondering why God didn't take me.

And, then I knew without a doubt that

he had something for me to do.

He started planting seeds when Skyler and I were

planning our road trip/mini mission trip

to Joplin............we thought!

God had other plans which happens to me

all of the time!

Cut to the chase:

He sent us to Bokenkamp Emergency Children's Shelter

in Corpus Christi, Texas.

I asked for donations to help defer the cost

of having 79+ kids make their own journal

and was humbled by how many people jumped in

to help us.

The planning and specifics of that mission trip

can be found in the previous post.....

Since that time the volunteer director has asked

me WHEN we're coming back.

The kids loved us, loved making their own journals,

the clinicians love how the journals are

helping them work with the kids,

and Joanne is anxious for us to come back.

We will be going back as soon as I can gather up

enough of our "budget" to buy canvas, paints

and brushes for the kids to paint their

self portrait on an 8 x 10" canvas.

This is a perfect project and will, again, be a

huge help to the clinicians in working with these

amazing kids.

I'm so excited!!

On the drive home from Corpus 

(I live about 3 1/2 hours north)

after the first time,

I heard God.

Loud and clear,

I heard him tell me what he wants me to do.

Not only does he want me to continue my work

at Bokenkamp, he wants

me to volunteer at the woman's shelter for

rape and domestic violence victims

(and their children if they're involved)

in Kerrville, 10 minutes up the highway

from Center Point, where I live.

I visited the shelter office on my way home 

from Bokenkamp.

Why wait when God tells you to do something?

I have filled out the mound of paper work 

and go for my orientation next Friday.

After that I will start my volunteering

which will include teaching art classes

for the woman and any children there,

along with other programs.

I am extremely excited that God has chosen

me to be his vessel

in working with his hurting children.

(His "children" are all of us:)

Wow. Bokenkamp is my heart.

And, I know that 

Hill Country Cares will soon

be my heart, also.

There is never enough money to run a shelter

so these programs, these art projects, 

are funded by me.

Me and any of you who have a heart

for God's hurting children.

I would gladly accept your help and

I can send you a letter so that your help

can be tax deductible.

Or do you think I should put a PayPal 

button on my blog?

I don't know what to do -

I've never been God's vessel to this extent!

Anyway, that's the story Morning Glory.

No matter how hard your life is,

and mine's been health-hard these

last 7 years,

when you reach out and help others

through Jesus Christ,

your life takes on a new light.

And it doesn't have to be a "big deal".

God will take all of the blessings

we are able to dump (dump?) on his 

children.

Pay someone's toll.

Pay for the lunch, or a dessert,

of the person behind you in line

at McDonald's.

(My sister did that as my

birthday present this past week.

Best present I've had in a long time!)

Hold a door open for an approaching person.

Smile at the checker at Wal-Mart

(can you think of anyone else that needs

a smile more than a Wal-Mart checker??)

See? There's a lot you can do to be God's vessel.

Oh, another one.

Last night Frank and I were at a restaurant

and next to us was an older woman 

sitting by herself.

She was finishing up her dinner and

reading her Kindle.

So, I simply asked her if she liked her Kindle

which started a very nice conversation

for someone that may have been very lonely.

We don't know people's circumstances,

even the put together people we see,

so always take the time to be a blessing.

Sermon's over.

And, the people said?

"Finally!" LOL 

God bless you and God bless 

the people I will be working with,

new and old!

                           Jan

A GLIMPSE INTO THE HEART OF ME

This is big. I'm going to let you have a glimpse into my heart.
The reason it's big is because I don't let others into my heart. I have a problem letting my husband, my best friend, my sisters, mom, you, into the heart of me. I normally put on the "If I was any better, I'd be twins." face to everyone or, "I'm fabulous!" when asked how I'm doing. I've had my moments of depression in the past before I got on the right dosage of the correct medication, but I can really only remember one that effected others; that I couldn't hide. In fact, it almost destroyed my relationship with my BFF because I wouldn't let her in.

So, like I said, I'm going to let you have a small glimpse into my heart. I may not post this, though. I use my blog as a journal of my life and my art and some short humorous stories, but I'm hoping that God lets me just write this and not share it with the world. Okay, maybe not the world. With my six readers.

I have a great sense of humor, I can be sarcastic, I can make you think I'm serious as can be the entire time I'm pranking you with a 'story', I have a passion for rescue animals, children living in poverty, God and my relationship with him, my boys, my family and the few friends that I allow close enough to be real friends, my art, my blog and JOY. I like to think that I'm a kind person because "nice" matters so much to me. I like to think that I can discern your pain and help you, love you and pray for you. I like to think that I look like Barbie and that I'm going to be 24 again on my next birthday. (that was one of those "stories". It's not true.). I like to think that I'm nice.
And, this is really important to me, I hope that you never realize how much physical pain I'm in every day, all day, 24/7; yeah, we're talking chronic pain.
Very few people in my life, maybe four, but I think it's three, before this post, have ever known when I'm experiencing "physical adventures". Of course, it's impossible to keep the hospital stays, near death experiences, surgeries, emergency surgeries, balding head and leg braces a secret! And, all of this has happened in the last six years.

Here's what happened recently that has given me pause. I can't get it off of my mind and I have felt God urging me to journal about it and hopefully that's all it will take for me to get past it and go on.
During a 'heated' discussion where I had questioned someone close to me about their response to something innocent and nice I relayed to them - I felt they were cruel in a comment they made to my message - and we had moved on to pain and how it effects one's outlook on life and I simply said, "I live with pain 24/7 and don't complain about it." The response I got to that comment was, "THAT'S WHY I TOLERATE YOU!!".

My jaw dropped.
I was speechless.
(I'm rarely speechless. I think the last time was when I thought there was a chance Obama's health plan might not make it.)
Their words cut through my heart in such a way that I was simply speechless. I couldn't have talked anyway, I was so choked up.

Is that what I am? Someone to tolerate because you feel sorry for me, you that know me? Is that what I am? .........Not feeling the love, I looked "tolerate" up in the thesaurus. Words that can be substituted are, "stand, bear, put up with, endure, stomach". I won't need therapy for this, but I can't remember the last time I was so hurt, so completely destroyed.

Words. They're so powerful. I can think of people that I know that I could destroy with words. It creeps me out just thinking about how much power my words could have on someone in a damaging way.
It might take me as long to get over those few words as it would to put toothpaste back in the tube once it's squeezed out. It's impossible to take back our words. Words are so powerful.
I know in my heart of hearts that they didn't mean what they said. But, I'm not foolish enough to think that it wasn't somewhere in their subconscious, lurking like some of my readers. I know this person loves me and I'll believe it by the end of the week. It will take some time and prayer for me to get completely past this - my sense of self worth was pretty much destroyed a long time ago by someone else close to me (see why I have issues?) though I've gotten past that for the most part through therapy. I still struggle with abandonment and trust issues.

Geez, I'm tellin' y'all way too much. This is the GET DOWN post. Maybe I'll start a trend and we'll all get real with each other instead of just showing our party faces and our glitter. Who knows?

I know that even I have hurt people's feelings with a sarcastic comment. I rarely, if ever, know it at the time it happens (that would be too easy); I learn about it later from someone else.
Gre-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-t. And when I do learn of it? It tears a new crack in my heart. I would never, ever, say something that would hurt someone; never intentionally. But I'm no different than Tolerate-head or you. We're human.

Perhaps God allowed this to happen so that I would be reminded to use kind words in all of my interactions with every person that crosses my path. Maybe he's arming me for a particular situation where I might be tempted to be anything but kind. Or maybe it's as simple as he wanted me to become more of a person to some of the dearest friends I have - y'all. No party face or glitter in this post, no sirree.

So, the next time you're tempted to strike out with a cruel word, maybe you'll remember this post and think twice. And, the next time someone crosses your path that you wouldn't necessarily speak to for whatever reason, try a kind word and see what happens. It may be that you say it at just the moment they need to hear it.

Warmly,
and I hope I'm not sorry I spilled my guts tomorrow because I'm feelin' the urgings of "Him" to post,

Jan