MY MOTHER, MY FRIEND

I've been wrestling all day with sharing some things with y'all - before I get into all of that, look at this photo. It's my mother. She has always thought that she looks like a boy in this picture, but I think she looks like, well, like 'her'. And, look closely - you can see that she's holding the locket on the necklace around her neck.
Of course, I love this picture. I adore it.
What I've been wrestling with is sharing with y'all how bad yesterday really was for me. I have been skimming over my feelings about all that has happened to my mother when posting because
I am quite aware that I'm not the first one to deal with an elderly (she would kill me for using that word! LOL) parent's health issues.
So, why should I give what I'm going through credence by blogging about it, by telling y'all?
I decided that I should because, first of all, there are those of you that haven't dealt with aging parents and health issues and maybe what I'm going through can help you in some way.
And, also because this is my blog, my diary of sorts, and I can write about what I want to write about - ewww, a little attitude caused by stress. LOL

Yesterday was hard in that it was another day of watching my mom act like she's on morphine.
Which she is, I know that.
I'm not THAT stressed.
Watching her doze, see things that aren't there (a bug - oh gosh, if there really was a bug there, please let it not be a june bug), doze, refuse to eat, doze, drink very little, doze, and for some reason, yesterday she had to go to the bathroom (or felt like she did) at least 12 times during the day.
It was an exhausting day though not that unusual of one since I got here on Tuesday night.

So, when the night nurse got here at 10:30, I went to bed very willingly.
I read for a long bit (Water for Elephants - it's soooooo good), crunched my nightly glass of ice as I read (pure heaven), finished reading, turned out the light and settled down into the soft bed under the fluffy comforter (remember, I'm in Michigan where it's already winter).
Ohhhh, it felt so good.
I said my nighttime prayers which I usually fall asleep saying and laid there thinking about the day and all that my mom had been going through.
It was then that I started to sob.
I just started sobbing. No warning. No toilet paper.
I cried for what seemed like forever, but, in reality, just long enough to soak my pillow, puff my eyes completely closed and impact my nose with snot.
I was so sad.
It hurts me so badly to see my mom not be my mom. Does that make sense?
And, I am well aware that I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, adult child to go through this. . . .so, when your best friend, or a person that goes to your church, or a neighbor, goes through something like this, pray really hard for them.
Pray for them, cook for them, why aren't you cooking for me?, help take care of their family, hug them, and do favors for them without having to first be asked.

Y'all have been so wonderful to me - your post comments and your emails.
Thank you for caring enough about me to care about my mother.

love,

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2008

MOM UPDATE:
mom is doing so much better today! she actually did quite well yesterday, also. She's been eating some (praise God), focusing, watching a bit of television(we just finished watching The Price is Right - it reminded me of the boys when they were young - they loved that show.), visiting, had a bath, and is wearing clothes instead of p.j.'s today!
I'm so excited about how she looks and is acting.

Praise God and thank you for praying.

And, after I finish this post p.s., i'm going to find that paper and glitter i brought with me! woooooooo hoooooooo!!!
I am so blessed with my family and friends. All y'all have been so darling. I cannot thank you enough for your prayers. Just keep on prayin'!

xoxo, jan