I'M DEVASTATED & MY HEART IS BREAKING - I HOPE HAVING A GIVEAWAY WILL HELP

Just when I think I'm going to get a break

God throws me another life test.

I wonder how many I'll have to experience

before He thinks I'm all that I should be.

Actually, I know the answer to that.

It will be until the day I die and join him in Glory.

March of this year has been an adventure.

An adventure on top of five years of medical adventures.

(Don't age. It's not worth it.)

I long for April and tulips blooming.

April will be better even with a cast and

no weight on a leg instructions.

I long for April.

March. . . . .

I passed out and fractured several bones in my right foot and tibia.

That's adventure no. 1.

My studio has a mind of it's own

and is determined to keep that crack house persona.

That's adventure no. 2.

I checked a give-away today that I participated in;

it was so involved and so very time consuming.

I thought I would win something.

I didn't win squat.

That's adventure no. 3

Adventure no. 4??

We must have our most precious

 Ben put down in just a few days.

*Now I'm crying

and I didn't even cry in the hospital when

I found out that I couldn't be discharged until

I pooped.

And that took three delightful days.*

I digress. Back on point. . . 

You know Ben.

My studio dog.

Always by my side.

He never did learn that if he laid that close

to my chair that he'd be told to

"jump up" when I had to roll down my work table.

Up and down, up and down, all day.

Remembering that makes me smile.

He came to us from the Humane Society Animal Shelter.

When I adopted him, he had had heart worms twice.

He was adopted and returned twice

because his new owners thought he was too aggressive.

He was older, no longer a puppy.

He was a yellow lab mix.

I adopted him.

He isn't too aggresive.

The UPS man is afraid of him,

but I like that.

When he doesn't think I'm home

he'll throw my packages onto the

office porch if Ben's outside.

He doesn't know I've seen him do that.

That makes me smile as I cry.

Ben is very protective of me.

He loves me unconditionally.

He never judges me.

He always wants to be with me.

He's a dog, not a person, and that's why.

I wonder if

that make sense to anyone but me.

That's why I rescue shelter/abandoned/mistreated/etc. dogs.

And my beautiful master bedroom smells like a kennel.

I don't care because

they love me every day

all day

and all through the next day.

Ben is my dog.

He's always been "my" dog.

And early this week we have to have him put down.

I'm crying again.

He has been sick for a while now.

We knew something was wrong,

just not what.

He's going downhill so quickly now

that I constantly look at him

to see if he's breathing.

He has lymphoma.

"Oh, God", I cry

"my heart is breaking and I hurt so badly."

And, I wonder if Ben

hurts as much as I do.

Is he in pain?

His lymph nodes are enlarged.

He never whines.

But, he's not eating or drinking

much so I wonder

in my heart of hearts

if putting him down isn't the

best gift I can give him.

So, pray for me, won't you?

Okay. Deep breath.

So. I thought I'd have a giveaway

to take my mind off of things. *happy face*

I love to have giveaways and

I haven't had one in quite a while.

And, I'm going to make this really easy

so that lots of people will enter

without having to spend hours

jumping through hoops

in an effort to win my giveaway.

Claudine Hellmuth.

One of my artist queens.

I'm going to gift one special

reader of my blog, her amazing book,

Collage Discovery Workshop,
along with lots of treasures. Lots!

I ordered it 'specially for this giveaway.

I love this book and wasn't

willing to gift mine to anyone, so,

you're getting a new one.

It's a virgin and you don't find

many of those anymore.

All you have to do to enter is

to, well, enter. *smiley face*

If you want to start following my blog

because you read a couple of posts

and think it would be a good idea,

then I can't wait to get to know you.

If you want to be a fan of my blog

on facebook, I thank you.

If you want to sign up for

the newsletter that I have yet to start,

thanks.

If you say something about it

on your blog, let me know and

I'll throw in another entry for you.

If you buy something in my Etsy shop

then it will help me afford

to go junking when I'm allowed to walk

again.

See? it's all good.

Life is good and I am so blessed.

You have until April 1st to enter.

That's when the tulips will be blooming.

xoxo,

Jan